Rosanna Macri, a specialist in bioethics and an intergenerational mediator based in Toronto (www.compassionateconsultant.com), believes that a comprehensive aging plan developed well ahead of a health crisis is the best way to avoid family conflicts when emotional tensions are elevated, and to ensure that the wishes of elderly loved ones are respected. Not only do such plans prevent conflict, they assist the elderly in enjoying their lives to the fullest.
According to Macri, a comprehensive aging plan comprises many components.
On the relational side, questions to consider include what faith or community groups could the loved one join to minimize social isolation, and if married, how to handle situations where there are disagreements, for example, when one spouse wants to move to a retirement residence and the other wants to stay in the family home.
If elderly persons want to stay at home, families need to consider how it can be made safer. Can they afford to install an elevator or stairlift, or modify the entranceway to make it easier to get into the house? Will they need to modify the bathroom by installing a step-in bath? Will it be necessary to remove rugs and install hardwood flooring?
On the transportation side, if the loved one is no longer able to drive, what services would be available? Is a service for people in wheelchairs, such as Wheel-Trans available? Is there a family member or friend available to give rides? Would the person prefer taking Uber or a taxi? To obtain meals, what grocery delivery services are available or would a meal preparation service such as Meals on Wheels be preferred?
If dementia develops, would it still be safe for loved ones to use a stove or oven? Would they consent to wearing a tracking device?
To prevent digital and financial fraud, would they be able to call a tech-savvy grandchild before answering a suspicious email?
One of the most important aspects to bear in mind when developing an aging plan is that it must be communicated to someone the elderly person trusts. This is particularly important when choosing someone who would make health care, financial or personal decisions when the elderly person is not able to do so. To honour the loved one’s wishes, the decision maker must know the person’s values, wishes, and beliefs and be willing to respect them.
Macri encourages all adults to engage in a period of self-reflection to consider their aging wishes as early as possible, asking themselves “What do I want if certain situations arise?” A good time to undertake the development of a more formal aging plan is when developing a retirement plan or writing a will.
If families need a neutral third-party to facilitate sensitive discussions on such questions, they can reach out to a mediator. Specially trained intergenerational mediators are listed on the websites of professional mediation organizations such as the Ontario Association for Family Mediation (www.oafm.on.ca).
Macri wants to shift conversations to promote healthy aging. “As a society we don’t always see the beauty in aging,” she said, but with taking the time and space when healthy to really explore what that looks like for an individual can provide peace of mind to all involved. When taking a vacation, we plan so that when we get to our destination, we can enjoy it. Creative plans for aging developed when not in crisis, she added, can ensure the arrival to older age will be more relaxed and enjoyable as a plan has been worked out in advance.