Denise Rivest, office manager and supervisor of family advisors for Catholic Cemeteries of the Edmonton archdiocese, finds that she sometimes must try to dissuade people from taking such an action.

“I say, ‘Would you scatter a body?’ Cremated remains have to be treated with the same reverence you treat a body in a casket,” said Rivest.

Deacon Paul Croteau, the director of Catholic Cemeteries in Edmonton, recalls one family that wanted to spread its mother’s ashes around the family farmyard.

“I talked to the sons about how mom would feel when the farm was sold.”

Eventually the family decided to bring a pail of dirt from the farm and allow each person to put a handful in the grave, Croteau said.

Others do not scatter the ashes, but simply keep them in an urn at home.

“Sometimes (if a parent dies) in the dead of winter, they’ll say, ‘Let’s take mom or dad home. We’ll do it in the spring.’ I see no problem with that.”

For others, however, the urn might remain at home for several years.

“They think, ‘If mom’s on the mantle, mom’s still here,’ ” he said.

The job of Catholic Cemeteries in such cases is to help people understand that the cemetery is the proper place for human remains.

“We tell them the cemetery is a sacred place and it’s been blessed,” said Rivest. “People come here to pray and show respect for their parents. Maybe it’s time you brought her here to the cemetery and gave her a proper burial.

“We feel that it’s in reverence for people who have passed away that we should have a priest or deacon to administer that final farewell.”

Croteau reminds people of the prayer said at the graveside: “Heavenly Father, please bless this gravesite and send your holy angel to watch over it always.”

The 13 year-round staff overseeing Edmonton’s five Catholic cemeteries, along with a mausoleum and two columbaria, may not be angels. But they are dedicated to ensuring that human remains will be properly cared for in perpetuity. They’re also dedicated to treating family members of the deceased with compassion and empathy.

The family advisors bring life experience to their work counselling the bereaved, said Rivest.

“We’ve dealt with the death of our parents, our siblings and our friends. It allows us to bring the compassion of Christ to each situation because we’ve dealt with it in our own lives.”

When people arrive at the cemeteries office, they are often upset, she said. Usually, they end up saying when they leave that it wasn’t as bad as they expected.

“The last thing we want,” said Croteau, “is a family to leave here upset saying, ‘Now I know why people are leaving the Catholic Church.’ We have to make this a welcoming home.”

In that regard, Catholic Cemeteries stresses the importance of pre-planning your funeral.

“Pre-planning is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children,” said Croteau. It means not burdening them with the cost of a plot or cremain space as well as the burial. More importantly, he said, it helps the family at a time of emotional distress.

“Pre-planning doesn’t take that emotion away. But they won’t have to make difficult decisions under emotional distress.”

Making arrangements in advance with Catholic Cemeteries also sends a message to the next generation, he adds.

“You’re passing your faith along and you’re telling your children what’s important to you — ‘This is my faith; this is what’s important to me.’ ”

The death of a loved one is “an evangelization moment,” said Croteau. “People always turn to God in anger or in comfort at that time.”

He arranges to have a Mass said in memory of their loved one. Sometimes the families attend; sometimes not, “But they always seem to appreciate it.”

Croteau said it tends to bring a halt to dinner conversation when he tells people he works for Catholic Cemeteries. That doesn’t matter to him.

“This is a ministry; this is more than a job,” he said.

Rivest seconds that sentiment.

“I get a lot of self-satisfaction out of my job just knowing that I’ve helped this person through such a difficult time.”

(Western Catholic Reporter)

Considering cremation?

Catholic Register Special

“I never knew the Catholic Church allowed cremation.” “I’m going to be scattered at the cottage.”  “I want my ashes to be scattered at sea.”

Questions about cremation are the most frequently asked questions Catholic Cemeteries encounters. Increasingly, Catholics are choosing to be cremated, and as they do, each situation brings with it new questions.

In 1963 the Catholic Church clarified its position on cremation. The increase of cremation by Catholics has caused Catholic Cemeteries to also rethink how they minister to families making this choice.

First and foremost is the fact that cremated remains receive the same respect given the corporeal body. “We are created in God’s image.” This image is to be respected. This means that the full liturgy of Christian burial be carried out whenever possible. These rites include a wake, a funeral Mass and final disposition or burial in a Catholic cemetery.

More and more, these rites are becoming obscured. Keeping an urn in the house, separating cremated remains to be placed in lockets or “scattering” remains at a nostalgic location do not give proper reverence to the deceased or his/her faith, nor does it provide a place to visit in perpetuity.

Sadly, for most people, funeral and burial plans are rarely discussed until the time of death. At these times the value of prayer, Church and community can fall behind the stress and immediacy involved in making decisions at the time of death.

Catholic Cemeteries, Archdiocese of Toronto strives to meet the diverse needs of those who choose cremation, including the first crematorium in a Catholic cemetery in Ontario. As more of our faithful choose cremation, Catholic Cemeteries will continue to minister to them ensuring they are treated with care and respect.