Sibling friendships are highly valuable, but they need to be nurtured. It wasn’t until I moved away from home that I realized family relationships don’t maintain themselves. The people who are always there for us deserve to be invested in. Often, they are the people we take for granted.

The family is our first society. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says, “The human person needs life in society in order to develop in accordance with his nature. Certain societies, such as the family and the state, correspond more directly to the nature of man” (CCC, 1891).

So siblings are like God’s built-in tutorial on society, on people. Let’s call it “Siblings 101: Lessons in consideration, communication and compromise.” I’ve taken the course. Nine times.

In a family of 10, sibling friendship wasn’t a choice, it was a survival mechanism; we spent a lot of time together.

But it takes effort to know each one of your siblings individually.

Yes, you know they play soccer, or guitar, they hate peas and love reggae music, etc. But what are their motivations and aspirations, their struggles and insecurities? What makes them feel loved? How do they feel about their relationship with you? Do you pray for them?

My twin brother and I are godparents to our youngest sibling, Maggie. She once told my mom that she has three mothers; her real mom, her mother Mary, and Bethy, her godmother. It’s humbling to realize how influential I am to another person.

We have these people who are inextricably linked to our past, present and hopefully our future. If we can’t truly know them, how can we hope to know others?
Sibling friendships can strengthen through circumstance and proximity. I’ve become closer with my oldest brother since we moved to the same city. I also spend extra time with my younger siblings when I work at home each summer. These times together are an opportunity to grow closer and to grow in holiness because siblings bring out the best and worst in each other.

We may have our disputes, but 1 Timothy 5:8 says “anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” We have a responsibility to care for and uphold our siblings.

This sibling loyalty and sense of community are fostered by daily meals and family night prayer. Of this community the catechism says, “A society is a group of persons bound together organically by a principle of unity that goes beyond each one of them. As an assembly that is at once visible and spiritual, a society endures through time: it gathers up the past and prepares for the future” (CCC, 1880).

That community, belonging to each other, is what keeps us friends, imperfectly, but unconditionally.

(Brown is a fourth-year journalism student at the University of King’s College in Halifax.)