Perhaps nowhere in society is the loss of the sacred more evident than in marriage and in the wedding ceremonies which solemnify a marriage. A Protestant pastor told me about a recent wedding at which he officiated. The bridal party was 40 minutes late for the outdoor ceremony. Following the bridal procession up the aisle to meet the groom and his drunken groomsmen was a group of men who gaily tossed beer cans to the assembled friends and relatives.
Because of the wedding’s late start, the ceremony was cut short to accommodate the schedule of the waiting helicopter which zipped the wedding party to the top of a mountain where the photos were taken.
Although weddings sometimes fail to respect the seriousness of the commitment being made, the root of problem lies deeper. Marriage has been increasingly reduced to the level of a contract. Contracts are not evil. They are agreements with specific terms which the parties must meet.
But nothing is sacred about a contract. It is a legal agreement which the courts can enforce. When its terms have been met, the contract expires.
The Church, however, understands marriage as a covenant, an agreement between a man and a woman to give of themselves unconditionally until death. A covenant is never fully realized. A covenant is an open-ended commitment, and the obligations stemming from that commitment cannot be specified. Lots in a marriage is not fair or equal. But the covenant does not come to an end.
A covenant requires hope, trust and love, virtues which reveal the transcendent nature of marriage. Those who enter the covenant also have a transcendent nature. They are persons, not objects. They agree to a lifetime of giving of themselves for the good of the other. They rise beyond self-interest to something we call love which is more than desire, affection or attraction. Love is contrary to any person using another as a means to an end.
Pope John Paul II took the idea of covenant a step further in his 1989 apostolic exhortation Guardian of the Redeemer (Redemptoris Custos) which deals with the role of St. Joseph as spouse and father. Curiously, this exhortation was published on Aug. 15, the feast of Our Lady’s Assumption.
In the document Pope John Paul emphasized that Joseph was the father of Jesus even though he was not Jesus’ biological father. He also said Joseph was more than a companion for Mary. Through their marriage Joseph shared in “her sublime greatness.”
The Pope described the marriage of Mary and Joseph as more than a covenant. It is “an authentic communion according to the model of the Blessed Trinity.” In fact, it is not only Mary’s and Joseph’s marriage which has such an exalted model, but every marriage. All marriages have a divine dimension which reflects the infinite love of Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Where would the Pope get such a notion? He got it, first, because every human person is created in the image of God. Each of us is not only an image of God but God dwells within us. Further, marriage is a communion partaking of the Trinity because the Son of God became human and in doing so divinized all humanity. Divine love is implanted in the marital relationship.
Of course, a secular society does not believe that. It limits its understanding of marriage to that of a contract.
Pope John Paul raised St. Joseph to a level close to that of Mary. “Together with Mary, Joseph is the first guardian of this divine mystery,” the mystery that we have access to the Father through Christ in the Holy Spirit. The family has a mission “to guard, reveal and communicate love.” That love shares in God’s love for humanity and Christ’s love for the church.
No photos were taken at the marriage of Mary and Joseph, and no helicopters were present. Yet Pope John Paul called their marriage the summit from which God’s love spreads over the earth. Joseph’s love for Mary and Jesus is seen in his fatherhood, his fidelity and his work as a carpenter.
When marriage is understood as only a contract, God disappears from the arrangement. For many people today, that doesn’t matter. It should matter. For the full truth of humanity is found in Jesus Christ who reveals to us our most high calling. Our human potential is unveiled in relationships of communion in which Jesus Christ is the hidden third party.