Often, when we think of the Catholic Church, our perception is limited. We often only consider the building itself, maybe the priest, and the people in the pews. But the catechism teaches that the communion of saints in the Apostles’ Creed is the union with Christ between the faithful on Earth, the blessed in heaven and the souls in purgatory. The Church is a family with members in heaven, the faithful on Earth and those in purgatory. Isn’t that beautiful?

Speaking on All Souls Day, Pope Benedict XVI once said it is important for Christians to face the reality of death and our relationship with the dead. But how many of us actually do that?

I once heard Dr. Allan Sommersall give a brilliant talk. It affected me profoundly. He courageously spoke of death and asked the audience what they wanted or imagined would be said about them in a eulogy that summed up their lives. He also asked the audience to consider what they wanted written on their tombstone. Jokingly he asked, “What will people say about you after you die? ‘Oh, yes, she watched a lot of TV, she read a lot of magazines, she mumbled and complained a lot, and yes she did do a lot of shopping at the mall. She loved to socialize and she worked a lot, and her beautiful house was very clean and orderly. She didn’t like to rock the boat or challenge her children or friends.’ ” He encouraged us to live in a way that would bring our desired end result.

I often have thought of that moment. My father’s sudden death, when I was 24, shocked me into realizing that life is fleeting and dreams can be shattered in an instant. I became determined to be fully aware of the present moment, seizing every precious second and living it out to the best of my ability. I almost became obsessed with getting closer to God, eliminating anything that might be a block to a closer relationship with Him. I did my best to discern His will.

Then in 1999, when I was diagnosed with a rare disease, I realized that life is a gift and every moment is a gift — my children, my husband, my friends. In those moments I became acutely aware of how dependent I was on the prayers and Masses being offered up for me during my illness. I was grateful to learn that my suffering was also a gift, a gift that helped me grow in humility, compassion, understanding and love for the sick. My sickness became a gift that I could offer up for others.

Often we only think of death or praying when we ourselves are very sick. But you don’t have to wait for tragedy or illness before reflecting on death. That grace is available to all of us at any time.

We have a duty to engage our children in the beauty of November. If children are not taught to pray for the deceased, attend funerals and attend Mass offered up for the deceased, they may never develop that spiritual discipline. And if they are incapable of facing the reality of death they will never fully appreciate the beauty of life.

So, each November, remember those who have passed away. Talk to your children about loved ones who have died. Enliven your children’s imagination and they can get to know relatives they never met. I have a scrapbook of photographs and prayer cards of the deceased. It’s a wonderful prayer tool.

Motherhood Matters ($14.99) is publshed by Catholic Register Books. It can be purchased online by clicking here or by calling (416) 934-3410.