I knew we were in trouble the Christmas my daughter received her 17th Barbie doll. She was four years old.
She certainly didn’t need 17 Barbie dolls or even that many toys. But I felt powerless to stop the stuff from coming at her without offending anyone or appearing holier than thou to the doting grandparents, Godparents, generous aunts, uncles, cousins and friends.
I remember her very first Christmas and being aghast at all the stuff she had accumulated by the time she was only five months old. It was certainly a stark contrast to my own Christmas experience growing up in an immigrant family.
The giving and receiving of gifts is certainly foundational to the Christmas season. But I often remind anyone who’ll listen that the Three Kings gave gifts to Jesus, not to each other.
Every Christmas season I ask myself: “Has materialism taken on a life of its own? How did it become this way? What can I do to curb it? How can I give my teens insight into the manipulation of marketers and the consumer culture? How can we as a family focus on the real meaning of Christmas? What can I do to become a good example without being an ogre?”
Today’s children have so much more than previous generations, but are they happier? I once had a conversation on this topic with a couple of parents. One dad was convinced that dollar stores are contributing to our materialistic demise.
“Think about it, in this day and age parents make shopping at the dollar store an outing with their toddlers,” he said. “The idea that we need to buy something is etched in our minds from a very early age.”
Through so-called “cradle-to-grave” marketing campaigns, corporations strategically try to start shaping purchasing habits when we’re still toddlers. Then there’s what one mom I know calls “guilt parenting.” From personal observations, she concluded that today’s busy parents are burdened with a tremendous amount of guilt and, to alleviate it, they buy stuff for their kids so mom and dad can feel better about themselves.
Why so much guilt? Parents feel guilt for spending too much time on computers and cellphones, for painful divorces, for working during their children’s early years instead of making lifestyle changes to stay home, for failing to take their family to church, for generally not spending enough meaningful time with their children.
I’ve tried to give my kids a basic understanding of the marketing and the consumer culture. In a store, I will pick up two knapsacks. One will have a brand name or a logo or a pop star embedded on it; the other will be plain. I point out the price difference and suggest what they might do with the savings. I point out price differences in branded and no-name products at different grocery stores. I have discussed ad nauseam the clever marketing strategies behind electronic gaming systems and computer products that offer new versions, upgraded systems and endless additional gadgets intended to prey on the human weakness to covet the newest and coolest products.
This year my resolution for Advent and Christmas is to do my best to focus on the poverty of the manger, reflecting particularly on the poverty of the crib. I want to become detached from the materialism that shrouds the Christmas season.
I am also trying to put a particular Christmastime emphasis on the Year of Faith. I’ve been praying the rosary with a special focus on the joyful mysteries; scouring the house for unneeded items that I can give to Dr. Andrew Simone’s ministry, Canadian Feed the Children; suggesting gifts my family might give Jesus this Christmas season that focus on the acts of mercy; attending weekly eucharistic adoration with the entire family; getting back to Mother’s Group after a long break and saying “yes” to our traditional cookie exchange; planning family activities that foster an appreciation for nature, culture or the arts; and organizing a skating party to reconnect with family and friends.
Giving and receiving gifts under the tree is a joyful Christmas tradition. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as we also remember to give and receive spiritual gifts. No one needs 17 Barbies but you can never get too much baby Jesus.